I went to my appointment at Lookout Mountain Community Services today.  I am now all set up and ready to begin some real therapy--and thank God, it's free.  These people saw that I really need the help!  lol  I have to attend two group orientations next week and the week after next, then after that it'll be an actual psychiatric evaluation and counseling.  I have a feeling this time it's really gonna work out.

While we were discussing my history and such, the whole "why I'm here and why I need help" thing, one possibility the counselor mentioned was adult ADD.  She said she could actually see that I have symptoms of it.  For real!  Jaime and I joke about it all the time, but she was serious.  I may actually have it.  That's one of the things the psychiatrist will determine.  It surprised me at first to hear that, but as I thought about it, I realized she may be right.  When I write, I tend to bounce from scene to scene.  I hardly ever write from beginning to end.  Look at the way I've been working on CS.  I do that with all of my writing.  Except Silver Death.  That's the one novel I have not tried to bounce around on.  Weird.

It's not just my writing, of course.  It could also explain how I can forget things like food stamp appointments and things of that nature.  I'm being distracted by the writing, pulled into that fantasy world.  And it's too easy to get lost in it and forget all about your real troubles.

But the ADD is only part of it.  Of course the depression has always been there.  And I have major anxiety issues.  And the more I opened up, the more I realized that this could be more hereditary than I thought.  Daddy had Alzheimer's.  Mom was never treated for depression, but I'm pretty sure she suffered from it.  Dee was bipolar.  Her son CJ has ADHD.  Wow.

I'm excited about actually getting some real help.  I'm tired of being stuck in a rut and it's gonna feel great to actually do something to break out of it.  Maybe I'll get medication that will help me stay on track.  Even if I don't, the therapy alone should definitely be worth it.

Oh yeah, speaking of food stamp appointments, thanks to Jaime kicking my ass about it, I have an appointment tomorrow morning to get them and Medicaid back.  I owe her big time.  I'm thinking a nice surprise to say thank you.  Not sure what exactly yet, but it'll be in addition to what we've already agreed to.  Something she won't be expecting.  I'll think some more on that as I go.

One more thing before I hop off here and head for home.  I deleted about half or more of my Xanga subs.  Now, before all of my Xanga friends get all bent out of shape, it's nothing personal against any of you.  You're all still my friends.  I only deleted the subs b/c I honestly don't have time to read them all anymore.  I kept a select few for various reasons.  However, if I deleted a sub to you, it doesn't mean I will never read your blog again.  I'm still your friend.  Ok?  I just wanted to trim the number of subs down to a manageable level.  I can't promise that I'll re-sub later on, but I won't say I won't either.  It'll all depend on if and when I get a job and my own internet back.

One more little tidbit.  I saw a TV ad last night for Assurance Wireless, a cellphone service that offers 200 free minutes a month.  That's a helluva lot better than what I'm getting with Safelink--only 68 minutes a month there.  I just hopped over to their website, though, and it turns out they don't have the service in Georgia yet, only Tennessee.  That sucks.  I was hoping I could get that so I wouldn't have to have two cellphones that are always running out of minutes b/c I'm always broke.  Oh well.  Didn't hurt to try.

Now I really am getting outta here and going home.  Bye.

I have a little more time today--I walked to the library early this morning.  Did some job searches and guess what?  I may have something!  Turns out a representative from the 2010 Census will be here every Tuesday for the next few weeks to give employment tests!  Wouldn't ya just know it?  If only I'd known about this yesterday, I would've made Jaime wait on me or leave me here and come back for me later!  lol  Oh well, I'm gonna catch him this next round.  Let's hope my prayers have finally been answered.

I stopped by the Housing Authority on the way here.  I'd received my recertification forms for the coming year, so I went ahead and filled them out and turned them in.  The boss lady happened to be at the desk.  I told her my financial situation and she is trying to help--she said she would call Glenda and if Glenda can't help me pay it, she may actually be able to credit my rent for this month.  So at least there I may have caught a break.  If not, though, I have to have at least $24 by the 22nd.  (The same day as the test, ha ha.  I'm gonna let the boss lady know about that and see what she says.)  My total rent for this month is $32--they're tacking on the $10 late charge of course, plus another $8 for replacing a missing bathroom sink stopper.  Can you believe that?  I know what a lot of you are thinking--"gee, wish MY rent was only $32 a month!"  Well, when you have ZERO money, that's a damn fortune.  And I have a power bill to worry about too.  People, PLEASE cross your fingers and pray with me that I get this job.  ANY job.  I'm so sick of being broke!

Well, even though Willie's being an ass and not paying child support right when it's most needed, he is actually contributing a little.  Today or tomorrow he and his girlfriend are supposed to be bringing Alex a new bed, as well as one for me AND a new couch.  He's already brought me a matching loveseat and chair.  They're used, but still in a helluva lot better condition than my old couch was.  I'm not complaining.  Well, yes I am.  I could've survived with the old couch a little longer if he could just cough up enough to help me pay the damn rent and utilities and put some minutes on my phone!  There I said it!  Ugh!  As much as I hate depending on him, the ugly truth is, I have no choice.  Until I get a job, I'm stuck with hoping and praying the jerk will pay something once in awhile.  That was another reason I came back today--whenever I do get a payment, they send an email alert.  No email alert today, though.  Figures.

Oh, another nice thing Willie and Becky (the girlfriend) did was give me a couple of presents to give to Alex "from Santa."  So at least the tree won't be completely empty.  Let's hope that I get this job so I can actually BUY him some, though.  Hell, I don't care if I don't get a paycheck till after Christmas--it'll just mean Santa's coming a little late this year!  Hopefully Alex will understand.

But at least there is one present Alex has been wanting that he got, thanks to Shawn (Celtone)--a video game that hooks directly to the TV!  So THAT present from "Santa" is even more appreciated because it's something Alex actually asked for!

Although it seems I'm getting bailed out yet again, I can't keep depending on these last-minute miracles.  That's one thing Jaime and I discussed yesterday.  It seems that whenever I get myself into these messes, someone always comes along with a quick fix to get me through.  I don't consciously expect these people to keep helping me, but I believe that somewhere in my subconscious I have programmed myself to believe that everything will work out on its own without any effort on my part, which is bullshit.  I've gotta reprogram that part of my brain somehow.  To the average joe, it would seem I'm lazy.  While that's not entirely true, there is a little bit of truth to it, and that hurts like hell to admit.  I have been lazy.  I haven't been trying hard enough.  I've spent too much time writing and not enough dealing with my real life.  And here I go repeating myself.  Sorry.

I guess I'd better hit the road.  I need to check back with the Housing Authority to see if she had any luck contacting Glenda and to tell her about the possible job.  I'm also gonna head over to the Care Mission if I have time and reapply for food assistance (stupid me missed the damn deadline for my food stamp review so now I have none).  Catch you guys later.

Hm.  Just thought of something.  If I can get my ass out of bed early enough every day...and I do, since Alex goes to school...I can't do it next week b/c he's out for Christmas vacation, but after the holidays I could actually start walking here every day!  Duh, why didn't I think of this before?

Well, if I get the job, that may change things...we'll just have to see.

Oh well.  Catch ya later.

Hello Xanga peeps!  Just letting y'all know I'm still alive.  I have been busy prowling the internets for the ever-elusive JOB.  Notice I always use capital letters when I say JOB because right now finding a JOB is extremely important.  Willie is of course being Willie and not paying child support lately, and I am sick to death of being broke.  I would love to be able to find a JOB so I can tell that idiot to KISS MY ASS!  (Those caps are directed at Willie, not y'all. )

I hate that my internet time is so limited, but I'm afraid I may get kicked off this computer any minute--when you spend all your time job-hunting and clearing out your email, it doesn't leave much room for blogging.  God, I miss having my own internet.  I miss having MONEY.  I NEED A JOB!!!!!

Anybody out there need a good secretary?  lol

Well, in CS news, #4 has been slightly revamped, and is once again almost done.  #5 has pretty much been chopped to pieces for now.  I'll get the scenes in order soon.  Jaime's still working on #6.  We're getting there, people!  Be sure to stop by Fanfic_Frenzy to check out the first three stories!  I've gotta stop by there myself to make sure it still exists.  Neither of us has been on there in awhile, so it's time for a little maintenance.

I'm really, truly sorry I haven't been keeping up with my subs.  In fact, I turned off the email subs b/c they were just piling up and I never have enough time to read them.  I promise I'll turn them back on when I get my own internet.  Translation:  when I get a JOB!  lol

Hope everyone is doing well and now I'm off to Fanfic_Frenzy to have a little fun before going home to clean my house and try to keep Alex from giving me a headache.  lol  BFN!